Saturday, March 29, 2008

A Year


Wyatt helping Todd

Julie snuggling with Loralai

Bryan, Turner and Loralai

Completely and totally drunk on milk - and happy about it!

me and bryan


What a difference a year makes. Or almost.

I was just uploading pictures from our day today and I opened an old file. It was from last spring. And in it were pictures of my family. My brother’s family came to visit me last spring, along with my mom. Wyatt was a little over one, Turner was a little more than three and I was about a month shy of being pregnant. I look back at those pictures and I think a few things…

Turner will never have those cute pudgy arms again. Wyatt’s eyes will never hold such complete innocence. Julie’s womb will never have just held baby boys. Bryan will never just be a dad of sons and he will never have a dad again. And mom will never be a grandmother to just boys. And I will never be able to say that I don’t know the love a mother has for her babies.

A year. My life has changed so much.

But it’s inevitable. Life does that. Though even though life is always changing, it’s still hard to accept that change. And then sometimes, it’s an awesome welcome.

My nephews got to meet Loralai for the first time this weekend. Turner and Wyatt are so different. Turner is tenderhearted and curious to understand people and quick to do anything to make you smile. Wyatt is wild at heart, adventurous and ready to do anything that allows him to exert major energy. So upon meeting Loralai, Turner wanted to hold her and give kisses and Wyatt wanted to give hugs – BIG ones.

It was precious, really.

I can’t help but look at those old pictures and compare them to the new ones. I look at Loralai and I can’t believe she has such long long eyelashes. But my brother has long eyelashes – and so did my dad. It’s bittersweet, really. You never realize how different life can be a year later. I was slowly repairing my relationship with my dad a year ago. And while I’m so glad that salvation was his ending and allowed eternity in paradise, I can say that I wish he was here to at least see the long eyelashes his granddaughter has.

And so I look at these pictures from today and I think – what’s next? Julie will have her baby girl. Loralai will be bigger. The boys will be telling us new stories and jokes. And life will be richer. But still, it will certainly be uncertain.

How do I cherish the moments as they arrive? I slow down. I let them arrive and remember that nothing – nothing – remains the same except the maker himself.

And in that, I find a new breath of relief.

How precious is family and the moments that make you just sigh with peace. I love my nephews so much. I have to remind myself that my sister-n-law is my brother’s wife because she seems more like blood than an in-law. My brother will always be the man I first looked up to. My husband will always be the smile I need. My mom is the best case of the giggles you could ever need. And my baby is the most precious scent of heaven that God ever did create.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

3 comments:

Katie said...

Beautiful journaling as always...and I looove the pics!! I love the drunk and happy pic :)

Diana said...

Sometimes I think Katie and I can read each other's minds..weird. I also love the drunk picture. And I almost started crying when I read your words. So true that a year can change everything...and how awesome to know that God remains the same. By the way, your nephews make me laugh..even though I only know them from your stories!

Maribeth said...

I must admit, I look our friends family blogs every Monday morning. They put life into perspective and remind me that no bad day or stressful moment is worth fretting about. So, thank you. Keep those updates coming!

BTW-that pillow case that Loralia is laying on hold reminds me of so many memories. And now there are so many more attached to those sheets and that pillow case.

Sweet, sweet life.