there was a point in my life where my fists were clenched. i held my hands down.
but i was desperate for more. more life.
and there was a day in church when i raised my hands in worship. i kept my eyes slammed shut. i didn't want to feel the stares. i just wanted Jesus. and in those moments, i remember having vision of dancing with the Lord. we were on a ballroom dance floor and He, ever so effortlessly, moved me around the floor. i not only danced before the Lord - i danced with the Lord.
and then there was a day when that worship seemed still. i was still dancing before Him and with Him, but there was a longing for something else. it took some digging but i finally realized that the longing was my heart's desire. the desire that He had put in me. my longing was His longing. and He knew that i was finally gaining the courage to reach for more.
i remember praying and saying "oh Lord - my words can't wrap around what i want to say. there HAVE to be more words to describe you." i wanted to give Him more praise than my little brain could conjure up. my vocabulary was falling me short. and in the living room of a friend's house, i begged the Lord for more of Him. and He imparted me with more of Him as He poured out His Spirit on me. He washed me new in His Spirit.
and the revelation came.
and my worship was richer and deeper than i could have ever imagined. i would come home on my lunch break just to pray in a new tongue before my Lord. i was crazy excited to be in His presence. His Word jumped off the page to me and it penetrated my soul in deep deep ways. it was current. it was relevant. and i was dumbfounded by how REAL and alive His Word was. is.
and then the days were quiet again. i still dug and pressed and longed, but the revelation was seldom and i felt a distance between myself and Jesus. and the distance was real.
it was fear.
it was the same fear i felt when i raised my hands for the first time. or when i talked to a coworker about Jesus for the first time.
i was afraid of what they would think of me. i was more afraid of losing out on the world than losing out on the Lord.
i KNEW that there was more to the Lord than where i was. i'd had a love encounter with Him, but He was asking me if i was willing. if i was willing to look like a foreigner, to sound different, to be different, to step as far out of my comfort zone as was humanly possible...
to bring freedom.
because you know, our Jesus is a freedom fighter. He is lover and warrior and He is a justice seeker and keeper. and His people are His body.
but this body was weak.
it was a wuss, really.
this tongue would stop short or stumble. and my heart would feel rejection when i wasn't accepted. when the testimonies i would share made people mad or uncomfortable. i took it so personally.
but there it was.
courage in the making. boldness in the building.
the world will mistake you for arrogant or haughty. but they are wrong.
they are confused. they are looking at a people who are walking in their inheritance. and that inheritance is of royalty. and in that royalty is confidence and a promise of honor and righteousness and power.
when Truth is displayed in love, it sometimes is mistaken with arrogance because Truth can't be moved or budged. and that makes the world angry. they want to believe in what they want to believe, in what makes them feel good. and if anything comes against a feeling, it stirs up anger and frustration and condemnation.
but i want to encourage you. if you're longing for the More of the Lord that i'm talking about - if this at all resonates with you, i want you to know that you MUST unclench your fists and let those hands raise.
Moses had to first step into the water for it to part. He had to first speak in order for the Lord to speak through him to the Pharoah. Noah had to start hammering wood together in order for a boat, that had never been made or seen, to start coming together. Mary was ostracized but chose to believe. Joseph was bold in the face of head shakers saying he was marrying a whore. and Jesus - He took it all. He was called a liar, satan, a thief.
when you start doing the Father's work, there will be days of isolation. when you realize the fullness of what it is to be an alien in this world. your soul will long for that place where you belong.
but don't you stop. don't you dare stop marching forward for what the Lord has for you!
because what He has for you is FAR greater than what the world will entice you with.
be brave, beloved. hold those hands up and worship your Lord with ALL your soul.
and you don't let anyone tell you that the Lord isn't anymore. because HE IS.
you go and lay hands on the sick and watch them be healed in Jesus' name. and you cast out devils and raises the dead and you disciple the nations.
because it IS your Inheritance and anyone that tells you otherwise has yet to have a love encounter with the One who so desperately loves them.
your inheritance is YOURS. don't let anyone try to steal that from you.
Jesus' heart spills over and over and over with love for you.
(may this video bring you the courage you need to step out in faith a little more. the Lord will honor your courage. He will increase His blessings on you. let your desire in this life be for Him.)