new nights

it's tuesday night, according to my watch (that's 10 minutes slow and i refuse to reset), it's 8:25. i'm sitting in bed with the husband and i've decided to start something new. i mean why not? everything else is new these days. currently we've got a new baby - 5 weeks old. we've got new dogs - not really. but they act like it. they're jealous of the new baby and are acting out. so to figure out how to treat them seems like we've got new dogs. we've got little sleep - that's new. we're sleep deprived - that's new. we're learning to say - i'm sorry. will you forgive me? - a lot more. that's new. we're learning to eat food luke warm, eat while standing, shower in 5 minutes or less, be ok with unbrushed teeth until noon or later, wear pj's until 4 p.m., let voice mail pickup phone calls, email with one hand, eat while holding a baby, pee while holding a baby, change a dirty diaper in less than 2 minutes, and give endless amounts of hugs and kisses in an effort to fill a baby up with enough love to last her a lifetime.

...i labored for 12 hours. i wanted so badly to deliver drug free and naturally. but God had different plans for our baby's birth. he had different plans for me. he forced me to completely surrender. i remember lying on the operating table and just letting go and saying, "ok God. i'm out, you're in. this is completely you. please protect me and keep loralai healthy." really - i had to surrender. no one wants a c-section. it's major surgery. there's a great deal of risk involved. and it's scary - trust me, it's scary...especially when you hear the doctor say that you're losing a lot of blood and will need a transfusion. it was a forced surrender, but i think a surrender i needed to face. because i realized something. no matter the way your baby is born - it's still just as glorious. as they were pulling loralai out, i could feel the tugs on my abdomen. i knew she was coming. i can't explain the emotion that was rising up in me as i knew my baby was being born. i started praying out loud and just praising jesus. it was a major hallelujah moment. and as she was born, they lifted her above the curtain that hung between us and with her hands lifted high and mine lifted high - i cried as i felt her sweet little legs and watched her gasp for air. never in my life have i ever felt so blessed. never have i ever been so in awe - it was a divine moment.

and every night that i feed my sweet baby, that i hear her sucking her milk and feel her hands on my body, i realize how perfectly God created my body for hers. i am reminded how completely perfect God creates and how beautiful a life he has given me.

our new nights - with less sleep and all, are beautiful. they are heaven glimpsed.

...i hope this blog will be a fun way for you to keep up with our new family and allow you to share a glimpse at the blessing that started when todd and i met and got even sweeter when loralai whitney was born.