a little pink.

i want to write something profound about how spring makes me feel. but i'm pretty well at a loss for words right now. i know. imagine that. but i love spring. and i love our yard in spring because it fills itself full of bright, light and dark pink azalea blooms. i really feel like it's a little slice of heaven when we're outside. spring just does something to the world. it breathes new life. and everyone loves it. even the smallest of us. even the ones who are just learning to say flower - and decide that seeing flowers in your hair is more beautiful than seeing flowers on the actual flowering plant. and the more the little one says "mo mo mo", the more flowers you decide to put in your hair. because after all, it's your greatest desire to help this little one experience the most beautiful life, filled with new experiences and the ability to soak in all of the goodness of this glorious creation. and then imagine, there's The Creator who delights in the same thing, only more graciously given and sweetly spoken and beautifully painted than any gift we could imagine giving to our own babies. He gives freely to all. all for us to feel and know Love. beautiful. welcome spring.

whisper His name

i have an every day friend. she's one of my dearest (the one who introduced me to peanut butter). she's an every day friend because she's my every day phone call. she's someone who knows me in places more intimately than friends who have known me 25 years. and she and i have only been friends for a little more than three years. this friend is a precious soul, with a light that shines so bright for Jesus. her desire to know her Savior is insatiable. it's a blessing to be her friend and to be in her presence means that conversation is rich.

today we were talking about how close she is to birthing her second baby. and we were working through the nerves that rise up when childbirth nears. and she told me about a song she sang at a church she visited this weekend: Whisper His Name. that's the song. it says - whisper his name, call out his name, shout out his name...and He will run to you.

pause.

really think about that. we did.

just do it. right now. whisper his name: jesus. call out his name: jesus. shout out his name: JESUS!

do you feel it? do you feel the nearing presence of the savior? i do. and i have so many times in my life. but i don't recall those times nearly enough. but today i did. i love this friend. she evokes that - the desire to be near to the One who comes when we even just whisper his precious hallelujah name: jesus.

so i want to list for you the times that i've called out his name and he came. and then i hope that you'll do that same. make a list, if just mentally, of the times that Jesus has come to your aid. he's ever present but when He arrives in ways that, and when, you take notice. it's breathtaking.

two dogs were chasing me. i was on foot. i screamed, "JESUS JESUS JESUS!" and he came. a man on his bicycle with his dog came racing down the road and ran the dogs back. i just stood and cried. knowing that jesus rescued me from danger by an angry pitt bull and his other mix-breed friend.

i prayed in my hand-me-down twin bed, growing up, that Jesus would save my family. my save and his were different. but saved we all are.

in the throws of laboring during childbirth, i called out: Jesus: and he came. peace covered me. he healed my wounds.

when my dad died, all i could speak through anguish was: ABBA! FATHER! Jesus. and he came. he gave me visions and led me to Himself through his word.

when my grandad was dying and i was caring for him alone, and desperate to have one last conversation with him, though his mind was slipping away and his body wasting, i called out: please Jesus. and he came. he gave me one last conversation. an exchange of I love yous and never another word from my grandad.

when my neice was being operated on and her recovery seemed daunting, myself and a group of prayer warriors called out his name: Jesus help! and he came. she recovered, she drank a bottle, she took a first breath, she slept, she smiled, she cooed. he came.

when a boyfriend broke up with me and i was tempted to take antidepressants to dull the pain, i instead called on his name: hold me Jesus. and he did. and he covered me in a renewing peace.

when my friend told me she was pregnant again and feared losing her baby for the nearly fifth time, myself and other prayer warriors called on his name to heal her bleeding uterus and to make the life inside of her thrive. and so we called on his name: Jesus! and he came. and life is growing within her.

when dark hands held mine above my head, pinned to my bed, in the middle of the night and i couldn't move, i shouted his name: Jesus. and the hands disappeared as though his name held some sort of power that even they couldn't resist.

there is power in the name of the One who sat at the right hand of the Father when the world was spoken into being. He reigns. and He loves. and all we have to do is call on his name because it is by his name that we are saved, through his grace, through faith.

I was so glad to be reminded of his love for me today. remind yourself of when you called on him and he came.

update. advice. insight. request.

update: so we're back to two naps. the little one couldn't handle just one but the second is fading. so i wait and try to be patient and flexible. and me, who is quite the creature of habit and really enjoys my routine, is making a real effort into the flexibility. because i'm pretty thrown by the difference in my baby who is now screaming before falling asleep during her second nap - as opposed to my baby who used to lay down willingly. aah the little one is asserting her independence. and i breathe. ...and also, she's saying peeez, tank yew and mo-mo. her manners are precious. and she loves crackers - which she calls either "crackas or crack". so we've found it quite humorous when the short one says "mo mo crack peeez". aaah kids.

advice: i used to be completely in love with reduced fat peter pan creamy peanut butter. i was crushed when, while pregnant, peter pan was taken off the shelves because of a salmonella outbreak. and when it came back, i remember calling todd (while i was at the grocery) with pure glee as i held my first peter pan jar in more than a year. i thought, surely, God had blessed just me that day. until this weekend. one of my best friends is pregnant and going to have her baby any day now. and after her first baby was born, she lived off of peanut butter and graham crackers. so i called her, this week, to ask her what her favorite peanut butter was - i want to make sure she's got plenty of peanut butter and graham crackers to eat after the babe is born. and she tells me that she loves anything 'natural.' so off i go to the grocery and i pick up a smucker's jar of natural peanut butter with honey. i thought i'd keep it in our pantry with the graham crackers, until the baby was born. but naturally, i got curious. and so i opened that jar of peanut butter. and i stirred it up - pretty much because you have to. it's so thick and there's the natural peanut oil on top. i wouldn't go on about something like this if i didn't think it was just the best. but this junk is the best! i'm serious. i never thought i'd say goodbye to peter pan, but i think i might. because now, peter pan tastes like the candy peanut butter filling in a reese's cup and the natural stuff just tastes...i don't know. you have to get some and taste it...and i highly recommend spreading it on a graham cracker. that's delicious. and apparently makes great breastmilk - if you're in the business of making that stuff ;)

insight: here's a little peek into our life this weekend. loralai stood up in the bathtub last night, looked at todd all concerned-like look on her face and then...pooped in the bath. so the bath toys got washed in the dishwasher. and today we went to church and then to a friend's son's birthday party and then for a bike ride and to our neighborhood park. and then home. and i vacuumed - and while sucking up dog hair and oak leaves that make their way into our house, mainly our kitchen, i screamed. and i screamed because as i went to vaccuum under one of our kitchen cabinets, something moved. a lizard. dang lizards. this must be lizard birthing season, because we have more lizards than we can handle...that, and squirrels (thank goodness it wasn't a squirrel. i don't suppose they're as easy to catch.). so i scooped the little guy up in two cups and out he went. he was the lucky one. the last two that made it into the house, apparently made it in with some towels that our dogs had been lounging on on our back porch. they didn't fare to well when i washed the towels. and i nearly gagged when i went to put towels into the dryer and found two drown lizards. yuck.

request: i have a good friend who is experiencing a miracle. and it's beautiful to watch. it's also beautiful to be blessed by her miracle. you might be wondering how i can be blessed by HER miracle. because i love her. because i prayed for her for years. and because for a week now, many of us have been praying the exact same thing - the same request - to God and He answered our prayer. that's huge! read her blog. she is a blessing and her life is blessed. she's beautiful inside and out. her husband is precious and his love for her is priceless. and their little girl is one of the most sweet, funny and cute little girls i know. and the baby they're growing right now, is already blessed. already a miracle. already a loved child of God. pray with us that this baby grows fully, and perfectly. read her blog. (blogger isn't working right - so if this link doesn't work, just click on peanut and poppy under my blog list to the right)

and please keep praying for baby stellan. he's struggling and needs you to storm heaven, to ask God to move in where doctors don't know where or how to move, to bring him comfort and rest, to bring his family peace, to fully and completely heal stellan's heart. i'm desperate, for reasons i can't put my finger on, to see this sweet boy healed. i think God has big plans for stellan's life.

changes

let me tell you about the changes going on 'round here lately.
we got back from florida about two weeks ago - a much needed vacation. much needed down time for the husband and wonderful time for he and the babe to bond. times together, like that, are priceless.

when we got back, we'd made our minds up that i would begin to ween loralai from nursing. woah is me. that's what i say about it. i know i can't go on nursing forever, but i love it. and my little talker loves it, too. if uncomfortable or nervous, she walks up to me and pulls at my shirt saying "muk muk." i know. to some of you squimish on nursing or thinking that her asking for milk is yucky, well let me set your minds at ease. it's neither yucky nor squimish evoking. instead, it's heartwarming and affirming to know that your body was created to help grow and comfort your baby - and it's done its job. i'm blessed to have a little one talk so early; it lets me know what's going on in that sweet little mind of hers.

which is why it's so hard for me to take away that little piece of comfort from her. but i know, i know. changes are sure to happen and changes are good (most of the time). it's part of letting go and nudging her towards a little more independence. but let me be honest - that's hard. it's hard to have been needed so much for a year and then not needed at all anymore. sure i'm needed for other things, but not to sustain her life anymore. i'm guessing you're picturing me with my hand on my forehead in a gone with the wind kind of pose - i'm not. but i'm just trying to be real. it's hard learning to let go - especially with your first baby.

so there's that. no more nursing during the day. just first thing in the morning and right before bedtime. those will be the last to go.

and i thought that was all the changes i was going to have to work for over the course of march and into april. but apparently my two nap a day (approx. 2hr each nap baby) baby has decided that she's not going to take two naps anymore. total shocker to my routine-oriented system. so yesterday was the first day of one nap. bad news. backfire.

she made it until 11:15 and then i put her in her crib where she firmly crashed into a deep sleep...for all of an hour and fifteen minutes. do whaaaat?! oh dear. i knew i was in for it. for the next three hours, it was fun time. but after four p.m., you could kiss our day goodbye. she fell three times over her own feet. one time she fell flat on her right cheek. she called for mommy, daddy, hewwwooo, bye bye, muk, cAt, maaaoowww...you get the picture. it was like loopy girl entered the room and started saying all of her words. so we ate dinner at 5 o'clock and lights were out at 5:45. blessed be.

changes are a comin' and they're wearing me out - emotionally.

though in the throws of the wound up one, yesterday, i did get one thing accomplished. a good workout. we were able to miss the insane afternoon crowd of big kids at the gym and go play with the little kids, in the morning, and i got to sweat. aaah sweat. but as we walked back into our house, my sweat turned to ice cycles on my skin. our heating unit broke. go figure. so that will be fixed....friday. not to worry, though. we have a fat little baby who was bundled in two warm layers of clothes on top of a thick fleece blanket. we knew she wouldn't freeze. and the house never dropped below 65 degrees. and we have great friends who loaned us two space heaters for tonight.

but what a wrench to throw in my already changing day.

and then there's the snot. which i attributed to more teeth coming in. how many teeth do these kids get, anyway? it seems like we should be done by now. right :) so in the middle of the night, twice, the little one wakes up, unable to breathe through her nose holes. and these holes are crucial to a good night's sleep since she does so loooove her middle and ring finger to suck on during sleep. and i figure it's impossible to suck when your nose is snot-filled. so maybe it's a cold and not teething or maybe it's pollen. i don't claim to know jack, at this point.

so the cold night's sleep was interrupted. aaah change.

where are you predictability?

i think the only thing predictable is change. it's inevitable and sometimes we have to roll with the punches. because really, these are small punches. and today, she's already slept an hour and forty minutes. so we're getting there....i suppose.

thanks for listening.

and while you have time, since you've the time to read this blog, click on the side button and pray for Stellan. he's in dire need of healing.