a lot of good happens when we're just living, just in the moment, and willing.
the man with Leprosy said to Jesus, "Jesus, if you are willing, make me clean." Jesus said, "I Am willing. Be clean." and the man was healed. (matthew 8)
less depends on our ability to need a willing God.
the question is, are You willing?
when i was about 23, i was in a relationship with a man i thought i would marry. which is why it was pretty shocking that i kept having dream after dream of a guy that i grew up with. i don't remember the details of the dreams now, but i do remember thinking "well? do i have feelings for this guy and just don't realize it? i'm so confused." this guy i was dreaming about was someone that i'd known since i was two. we were in school together from preschool through about our 2nd year in college until he moved away.
and it wasn't just the dreams. i couldn't quit thinking about him. wondering how he was, where he was living, if he'd graduated from school, if he was married...
it was getting to be a bit annoying but i just sat on all of the thoughts because i didn't dare tell my then-boyfriend that i was non-stop thinking about another man.
one afternoon, a friend of mine came by my workplace. she also happened to be a friend i'd known my whole life (we just happened to move to the same locale post-college). and so when she sat down in my office i finally confided in her and said, "listen, this may seem weird but i can't get this guy (we'll just call him Lou) out of my head. i even dream about him. i'm starting to either be worried about him or me." and to my complete amazement she said, "ME TOO!" turns out that she had been thinking about him, too.
we both kind of laughed at the "coincidence" of it all and moved on.
or maybe she moved on. i was the one stuck having dreams.
some time passed and i went with one of my bosses to meet with a client. [this boss was the first glimpse i had into a life that was wild at heart for the Lord. he changed my life just by who he was.]. on our way to our client, we often had talks about jesus. i was such a baby believer then. in hindsight i kind of snicker reminiscing about the questions he would ask - he was always trying to get me to think but in the kindest and gracious of ways without making me feel like a total idiot.
but on this trip he asked me, "so i have a question and want to know what you think i should do. ...there is a woman who is coming to our church without her husband, and bringing her children. her husband is mad that she's coming and is angry at God for deep wounds but the wife wants to keep coming. what should she do?" i said, "well, what if your wife wanted to go to a buddhist monastery? you wouldn't condemn her, you would keep praying for her and hoping that she would see the real joy that came from your life and want to join you."
that was it. conversation done.
but that night, my then-boyfriend was out of town. so i got curious. i called my childhood friend's mom and asked her if i might have Lou's phone number. she willingly gave it to me.
two phone tags later and there i was sitting on my couch talking on the phone to Lou.
we talked about his break-up with a girl he'd been living with and his work...and i sensed kind of a disillusionment about life from his words. and so i just said, "Lou, when did you quit believing in God? i mean, we went to church together, you went on missions...what happened?" he said that he was so tired of christians cussing and wanted to know how a real christian could say "GD" or the "N" word and still stand for Jesus? i sighed. because you know, he has a strong point. it's no good to have christians producing rotten fruit. but so i said to him, "well, if your girlfriend cheated on you and left you, would you lose faith in relationships with women and become gay? ...we all fall short, Lou." and so he started to tell me that he thought that all gods were the same. i listened and found myself saying little to nothing. just listening and more listening until he said it...
"you know, i did find a church that i really liked when i lived in wilmington." "really?" i said, "where?"
and he said, "it was this buddhist monastery..." and i don't know much of what he said after that. all i knew is that every dream and thought was coming clearly together. i knew that THIS was a divine assignment.
and i knew that the Lord didn't want me to say anything in judgment to what Lou was telling me.
He just wanted me to love him. and so i did.
i did tell him that Jesus said that He was the One True God...but that i understood his hurts and respect his choices but would be praying for him.
we had hopes of reconnecting again and maybe getting together sometime if we were both in wilmington or our hometown together. but we never did.
ten years later and i haven't dreamt of him once. and i haven't thought of him in that obsessive kind of way.
but i have prayed for him. and i do love him dearly.
and i do know that God is after Him in a deep way. why else would He have pestered me with dreams and thoughts and prepped me for ministry with him?
God is willing.
always.
He just wants you to be, too.
He will use you right where you are, with whatever abilities and giftings and means of communication you have to transform the lives around you with His Love.
you just have to be willing to listen.
The sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow me. (john 10:27)
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