did you hear? we're having a baby.

and i haven't blogged in months. and it's actually been kind of nice. a lot of my thoughts have stayed with me and i think that's necessary sometimes. otherwise i think you can get to a point of just thinking up stuff to write about. it's useless words. so i've taken a little hiatus from blogging. and i'm not sure if i'm back for good. but i'm back for this post, at least.

so it's true. we're pregnant. or i am, anyway ;) and just like my pregnancy with loralai, i'm nauseated more hours of the day than not. but i'm just praying that in the next few weeks all of that will pass. our due date is september 2nd. and that's a pretty sweet thing. for a long time i really wasn't a fan of septembers. the laundry list is long and it might be a little indulgent to list all of the woes out - but let's just say that a lot of loss happened in september from the time i was about 18 until 26. and so i dreaded september. especially my birthday that falls on the sixth. it wasn't until after i got married that i had a friend try to make sweet memories on my birthday, that i started to enjoy it again. that friend is my husband. and he always does his best to make my birthday a relaxing time. and while i know that being happy about some things is just a plain choice, i'd be lying to you if i said that the old memories didn't creep in on my birthday. so sometimes it's just a choice to rebuke the old memories and consciously live in the new ones happening.

when we found out the due date of our new little one, i was so happy. finally september isn't a month to think of all those old woes. God's given me a sweet new gift that was already mine but He so graciously reminded me when He gave me this baby. it's hope renewed. restored. and maybe our baby won't be born in september - maybe it will be an august baby. but for the next six months, our eyes are fixed on september 2nd. and that is a beautiful thing. to think about a time that used to bring pain and to envision the glory that will unfold surrounding it...i just smile.

and loralai. well i asked her one night what we should name the baby (and no i won't reveal the baby's name. you won't know that until it's safely in my arms.) and she said that Potato would be a good name. aaah. Potato. what a sweet name.

and speaking of loralai. she turns two this coming friday. it seems like yesterday that i was crushing a plastic bedpan while trying to pee lying on my back during the midst of an induction. 1. that's a story for another day (and yes it's hilarious) and 2. they should never tell a pregnant woman that she can't go pee for 8 hours. (seriously!) but anyway, my baby is a toddler. a talking sweet toddler. i would name the words she says but i can't count them. we carry on conversations like old friends. she just talks - a lot. and her heart is growing in sweet sweet new ways. we've been praying with her a lot. reading her the Psalms and telling her the stories about God's people. about the people that Jesus was friends with - the people that first spread the good news about salvation. and just when i think she isn't understanding, she'll open up one of her little books, point to jesus and say, "that's MY Jesus." and yes. yes it is.

at night loralai has been waking up a bit crying. it's a hard thing to discern, at this age, why she's crying. regardless, todd and i believe that our greatest protection against bad dreams, fear, anything, is the armor of God. though while loralai is still young, we know that her armor is the protection of the holy spirit - the spirit she has yet to accept. but God says that he protects the young - that it's under his wing that we find refuge - that he is ever present in our time of need (which is always. hello.). so we've been talking to loralai a lot about all of these things. and the other night, overly tired, while putting her to bed, todd says the same thing to her that we've been saying for a while. he tells her that mommy and daddy can't come in tonight if she wakes...and she fills in the blank where we normally continue by saying, "but Jesus can. He sings me the hmmm hmmm song." (which is jesus loves me, hummed). todd said it was all he could do to not cry. it was real. just as Jesus said that when we cry out to him, he will come, he does. his promises are good.

and in the quiet of night when our little one reaches out in fear. when she musters up the courage and faith to ask Jesus to help her go back to sleep, it is Him who comes to her and sings her a lullaby back to sleep. only i'm certain that he says, I love you. This I know. For I've always told you so. Little ones to Me, you belong, you are weak but I am strong....

can you imagine being sung a lullaby by the King of Kings?

i bet you that He's willing to sing a beautiful sweet melody into our hearts, if we'll just still ourselves long enough to muster up the courage and faith to receive Him.


Psalm 91:14-16
"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

...and this is how we pray with loralai. not that it's a perfect equation. but just an idea of something to do if you're new to praying with your little one. we just plug her name in to where the Psalm is talking about God's people and how He loves them. and the fruit is great. covering your children in the Truth is a mighty shield that will protect them now and in the days and years to come.

"Because Loralai loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue her;
I will protect Loralai, for she acknowledges my name.

¹⁵ Loralai will call upon me, and I will answer her;
I will be with Loralai in trouble,
I will deliver Loralai and honor her.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy Loralai
and show her my salvation."