due time.

february 5, 2008. that's a year ago today. that was our due date with loralai. i had been given dr's orders to be done with work, what with PUPPS ravaging my body and all. but by this time, thank you Lord, the PUPPS was chilling out a bit. but my poor 'ole body was tired. i was carrying a huge baby and all things swollen. you know the original crocs? right. mine were the only thing i could put my foot in and my feet touched the walls of the crocs. my feet were ginormous. as was my abdomen. and so i walked. i would walk the neighborhood and look at the blooming camellias and get gawking akward stares from neighbors. some would shout from their porches some little sarcastic comment about me needing to go ahead and have that baby already. i would smile. and then flip them off. no no. i didn't do that. but don't think the thought didn't cross my mind. still, i would smile. i was ready for this baby to get out of my belly. i was ready to be done with the two hour spans of sleep at night (ha. if i only knew that those spans would be the trend for the next month to come), to not feel the urge to pee upon standing every time, to breathe a full breath of air, to be able to bend my spine, to be able to sleep on my back without being suffocated, to be able to touch my toes and to just feel like i wasn't being held captive in my body anymore. i was so excited to be a mom, but so ready to be done being pregnant. it was a long pregnancy. i loved every minute of feeling loralai move around - it's indescribable to feel life growing inside of you. it's such a sacred thing between a mommy and her unborn.

but february fifth, oh man. i woke up knowing for sure that this little baby would pop out that day or at least a day or two later. nope. two weeks later, loralai came out. all nine pounds, nine ounces of her. i ate well. i swam. i thought i did everything 'right' in an effort to have a healthy baby. and i suppose i did. she was as hardy as they come and as peaceful as a baby could be. but i thought, for sure, that she'd come out on a guessed date and be easy for the birthing.

ok, so i was a little naive. the doctors: they guess. that date. it's just a guess. and childbirth, well, it's got a mind all its own. there wasn't a thing i could have done to make things happen any differently. i, just as loralai was, was a guest in my own body. i was at mercy of God's will. and he definitely showed me that all my planning didn't mean squat to what he was working out.

sometimes, you just have to surrender. i just have to surrender.

so february fifth came and went. and i walked. and waited.

and i looked at the camellias a little more - i even cut some and put them in vases. and i cleaned the house as i heaved my engorged belly around with me. and i cleaned dishes while standing at least a foot and a half away from the sink (try it. it's funny.). and todd rubbed my feet one more time with lotion, in hopes to ease my foot pain and push some of the fluid back into my body. and i prayed one more time that God would bring loralai to see us that night.

and i snuggled in bed. probably watched a wink of tv and fell asleep while todd shook his head wondering how a woman can fall asleep in mid sentence. and i awoke on february six to...to pregnancy.

and, i waited.