servant

i'm reading a book right now - really i'm reading five books. and surprisingly they all work together well. but the one i'm talking about is one by francine rivers. it's the first in a series. and it's awesome. if you've never read anything by her, i suggest you do. her writing inspires new relationship with God.

I'm only a quarter of the way into the book and I'm already struck by one of the character's selflessness. Her family was murdered by Romans. She was living among Jews and is a Christian. So she isn't accepted - and many people don't even know she's a Christian. She lived in a time where Christianity was looked down upon and people in Rome were killed for their faith in the risen Messiah - the Messiah they laughed at; that they didn't believe existed. But Hadassah - that's the girl's name - is beautiful. She's young and frail, having been starved, and has just been bought into slavery in Rome. She's the maidservant to a 15 year old girl who lives with her extremely rich family. They worship gods. Several gods. Gods who are idols whose statues live in their house - who they see. Haddasah worships God - the trinity God. God the father, the son and the holy spirit. She believes in the risen lord and knows that the secret she holds, the truth, is the one thing that has set her free and that can kill her.

And still she serves. Still, she gets up nightly and walks into the family's garden and kneels and prays before her unseen God. The brother sees her, questions her and wonders why she would pray to an unseen God - and wonders why she thinks her God has had mercy onher when she's now a slave, her homeland destroyed and her family murdered. Her answer is that her God loves her - she's alive, has food, a place to live. He's both annoyed and fascinated with her peace. And he's in awe of how she loves. He watches Haddassah handle his difficult sister with love. And he's moved when this young little girl looks up at him with big brown eyes and tenderly says, "i hope you find peace, my lord."

She who is alone and without anyone she's ever known is praying for peace for someone else. And that someone else is wondering how on earth she has peace - she shouldn't. And she shouldn't be so selfless. She strokes his sister's hair. Holds her when she cries. Offers stories from the old testament about Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath, and the stories are absorbed. God's truth has been spoken. She sings worship songs over her owner and calms her spirit. She jumps when called upon and always answers with a kind word when spoken to harshly. And she never lies and is always ready to answer truthfully but with tact and sweetness so that the truth can be received.

I so admire this little girl. Her faith is beyond what I've had to face. She's without written scripture, fellowship or teaching of God's word. And yet she hasn't succommed to temptation or fallen away from the truth or denied God. She is precious and brave. She isn't particularly pretty to look at and yet people are falling in love with her beauty.

I like that I've been raised to be well-rounded and know how to work with my hands. I know how to fix things and cook things. I know how to organize things and delegate and teach. But I dare say that myself and most women I know struggle with serving. We do it, sure, but we always want something in return. Credit, a thanks, appreciation...just something. I don't think those desires to be acknowledged will ever disappear but I'm really hoping that what increases is the ease in serving. That serving will flow more naturally...despite if someone likes my cooking, or cares if I've vacuumed four times in a week, or if anyone notices how long and far I've traveled to help, or how hard I prayed to give them just the right words. I want serving to be an overflowing result of my love affair with Jesus - not myself.

I'm glad I have Haddassah to remember when I'm serving. I'm glad I have Jesus who served to lead, to show me what Love really is.