oh my sleepy eyes

hello blog land. it's me, ashley. tired, sleepy, nearly grumpy, hungry but unmotivated to cook, and greasy but unmotivated to shower. isn't that somethin'? the hubs left on wednesday morning (at the slap crack of dawn) for an awesome journey to costa rica where he joined other men to take on five days of fellowship and worshiping our God. i can only imagine the awesome experience he had while gone. i'm so happy that he got that time away. time to breathe in fresh air, to take in the beauty of costa rica, to surf on waves bigger than dinky east coast thigh high mush, to learn from other believers and to offer insight into God through his own life. it must have been so awesome.
i can only imagine.
because while he was gone i traveled to raleigh (a day before he left), solo, to visit his parents and family with our one year old. the ride there, the ride back, pretty uneventful. but the nights. oh the nights. i'm coming to just accept that my child doesn't do sleep in someone else's bed. oh no. and so six days ago began a sleepless sequence of nights. every night for six days we've been up for at least two hours a night. if it was just she and me, me and her, mama and baby, no one else in the house, no grandparents around, no one's ears i was trying to spare...the crying would be ON. oh yes. and tonight i fully expect there to be crying as the short chunky-thighed one relearns that sleep is what we do in our crib at night. for twelve hours. do you sense the sleepless grump in my type? you're right.
but do you know what is so sweet about it all? time. time without my husband has been priceless. normally when i'm in doubt of what to do with the baby or when i'm at a crossroads or feeling like i'm going to lose my ever loving mind, i call him for encouragement and direction. but i couldn't call him this week. and for the first time in a long time, i had only God to lean on. which is backwards - i should always always always lean on God before Todd. so maybe the sleeplessness has just been a painful kick in the butt of a reminder that God needs to come before Todd. and while pressing into God this week and really seeking him in his word and in prayer, he's been ever so clear with me. beautifully clear. i had questions, clear questions and have been asking them...and then lead to direct answer in his word. i've been in need and he has provided - through his word. through is promise of provision. i don't know really how to articulate all that's happened in six days - other than several days of greasy hair, really lame meals and some serious crying spells. i just know that it's been trying and rewarding. and currenty my little one is in her crib working on the sleep thing. i say working because i can hear her talking....'mommeeeee. daddeeeee. hi doggyyyyyy.' i suppose she's saying her prayers and just including all of us creatures in our household. that's what i'd like to think anyway.
so right now i sit, bleary-eyed and considering a bird bath since there's lightening in the skies, thinking about sleep and the sweet relief that will come when my husband crawls in bed with me tonight.
and maybe next week i'll keep pressing into God - because after all, he's the one with the answers. and he gives them to todd anyway. so why not consult God first and trust that whatever he gives me is enough?
sweet dreams friends.
(i know what you're thinking: it's only 7p.m.! but i'm tired. and there's no rules against putting on your pj's before sunset. so jammies, here i come.)