hello blog land. it's me, ashley. tired, sleepy, nearly grumpy, hungry but unmotivated to cook, and greasy but unmotivated to shower. isn't that somethin'? the hubs left on wednesday morning (at the slap crack of dawn) for an awesome journey to costa rica where he joined other men to take on five days of fellowship and worshiping our God. i can only imagine the awesome experience he had while gone. i'm so happy that he got that time away. time to breathe in fresh air, to take in the beauty of costa rica, to surf on waves bigger than dinky east coast thigh high mush, to learn from other believers and to offer insight into God through his own life. it must have been so awesome.
i can only imagine.
because while he was gone i traveled to raleigh (a day before he left), solo, to visit his parents and family with our one year old. the ride there, the ride back, pretty uneventful. but the nights. oh the nights. i'm coming to just accept that my child doesn't do sleep in someone else's bed. oh no. and so six days ago began a sleepless sequence of nights. every night for six days we've been up for at least two hours a night. if it was just she and me, me and her, mama and baby, no one else in the house, no grandparents around, no one's ears i was trying to spare...the crying would be ON. oh yes. and tonight i fully expect there to be crying as the short chunky-thighed one relearns that sleep is what we do in our crib at night. for twelve hours. do you sense the sleepless grump in my type? you're right.
but do you know what is so sweet about it all? time. time without my husband has been priceless. normally when i'm in doubt of what to do with the baby or when i'm at a crossroads or feeling like i'm going to lose my ever loving mind, i call him for encouragement and direction. but i couldn't call him this week. and for the first time in a long time, i had only God to lean on. which is backwards - i should always always always lean on God before Todd. so maybe the sleeplessness has just been a painful kick in the butt of a reminder that God needs to come before Todd. and while pressing into God this week and really seeking him in his word and in prayer, he's been ever so clear with me. beautifully clear. i had questions, clear questions and have been asking them...and then lead to direct answer in his word. i've been in need and he has provided - through his word. through is promise of provision. i don't know really how to articulate all that's happened in six days - other than several days of greasy hair, really lame meals and some serious crying spells. i just know that it's been trying and rewarding. and currenty my little one is in her crib working on the sleep thing. i say working because i can hear her talking....'mommeeeee. daddeeeee. hi doggyyyyyy.' i suppose she's saying her prayers and just including all of us creatures in our household. that's what i'd like to think anyway.
so right now i sit, bleary-eyed and considering a bird bath since there's lightening in the skies, thinking about sleep and the sweet relief that will come when my husband crawls in bed with me tonight.
and maybe next week i'll keep pressing into God - because after all, he's the one with the answers. and he gives them to todd anyway. so why not consult God first and trust that whatever he gives me is enough?
sweet dreams friends.
(i know what you're thinking: it's only 7p.m.! but i'm tired. and there's no rules against putting on your pj's before sunset. so jammies, here i come.)
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
hat.
i realize that i'm behind in the blog-world but i don't feel like i've had much that's been worthy of writing or speaking. so i haven't. but i've been reading blogs. and that's fun. so you bloggers, keep blogging. you're good naptime reading. :)
but loralai. she's obssessed with hats. and has been for months. for about three months, any time she's seen a hat she has to say "HAAAAT!!" and point and point until we get the hat, and then she demands that todd wear his hats. so for a while, there were days when todd was pretty much wearing a hat the whole time he was home. but now. now loralai knows how to put on her own hat and she's in hat heaven. she goes into the drawer in her bedroom where i keep her sun hats and she puts them on her head and then on her bo-bo's head (teddy bear) and on my head and todd's head... and then she loves shoes...but that's another post.
and i know that baby posts can be boring and dull - especially if it's not your baby and you can't hear the preciousness of her voice. but just trust me. it's a cute and precious thing when she talks - especially when she uses her manners. have i ever mentioned that? turns out i'm a total sucker for a polite child. especially mine. and when she says "peeez" and followed with a "tenk yew mommy", i could melt and most likely give her a freshly baked brownie that her sugar deprived body has no business eating but that manners would most definitely convince me to feed her.
so, enjoy these pictures.
so i know that the headband isn't a hat. but it might as well have been...because you see who else was required to wear it? the short one's dad :)
but loralai. she's obssessed with hats. and has been for months. for about three months, any time she's seen a hat she has to say "HAAAAT!!" and point and point until we get the hat, and then she demands that todd wear his hats. so for a while, there were days when todd was pretty much wearing a hat the whole time he was home. but now. now loralai knows how to put on her own hat and she's in hat heaven. she goes into the drawer in her bedroom where i keep her sun hats and she puts them on her head and then on her bo-bo's head (teddy bear) and on my head and todd's head... and then she loves shoes...but that's another post.
and i know that baby posts can be boring and dull - especially if it's not your baby and you can't hear the preciousness of her voice. but just trust me. it's a cute and precious thing when she talks - especially when she uses her manners. have i ever mentioned that? turns out i'm a total sucker for a polite child. especially mine. and when she says "peeez" and followed with a "tenk yew mommy", i could melt and most likely give her a freshly baked brownie that her sugar deprived body has no business eating but that manners would most definitely convince me to feed her.
so, enjoy these pictures.
so i know that the headband isn't a hat. but it might as well have been...because you see who else was required to wear it? the short one's dad :)
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
coot choos.
coot choos = cute shoes
poopy = poopy
waden = water
mo mo peez = more please
mommy choos = mommy's shoes
awwwwe = awe
pa pa baybe = pat the baby
nigh nigh baybe = night night baby
baybe eat doggy eat = apparently the baby and dog are hungry
muk = milk
wow = wow!
ki cat = kitty cat
up ki cat = get up kitty cat!
geeee = jesus
book = book
ree book = read book
the list of words our sweet short little girl is saying is remarkable. at 14 months, she's putting two and three words together. i'd like to say that we have something to do with it. maybe because she doesn't watch tv (alright, every no and then she sees the tv come on, but it's a rare thing). maybe because we sing songs all day and listen to the radio. maybe because she gets full attention and one-on-one time that she wouldn't otherwise. or maybe, maybe it's just her. maybe she was created to just be this little girl who would start saying mama and bye bye at 7 months and wouldn't stop talking from that point forward. maybe she was just meant to be an early bloomer and we have absolutely nothing to do with those areas of development. and that's completely ok with me if we have nothing to do with it.
but to take my hands off and start parenting different would be to deny the given responsibility i've been gifted with. to say that a parent has nothing to do with the outcome of their children, is just plain silly. we have so much impact on the hearts of our babies. they soak it all in. i was in the car a few weeks ago and pushed play on a song that goes like this "oh happy day! happy day! he washed my sins away!" and from the backseat i hear, "HAP-EEE HAP-EEE!" and i just smiled and laughed and praised God! it may not be ME that she's learning from, she's learning from everything around me - from my choices.
we choose carefully the music that we listen to around loralai - or that we listen to for ourselves. it's important. and now when i push play on that same song, before the words begin, she recognizes the beat of the song and says "HAP-EEE!" her ears recognize.
her heart recognize. she runs to todd and i and nearly falls into us for a hug. she just trusts that we'll catch her. she trusts us. she depends on us. and while she doesn't know it, she's depending on us to show her glimpses of Jesus. it will be through us that she'll get her first understanding of the love of Christ - of God's creation - the understanding that He is to be trusted above and beyond us. that when we walk out the door, it's more important to want Jesus to walk back in than to want mom and dad to walk back in. Jesus should be our all-in-all.
what would we do in triumph or tragedy without him? where do you turn? where do you seek for comfort? you either seek justice, justification, or you push out the world to ignore the hurt - or, you seek Jesus. and if you haven't, and if you have hurt or loss or are sick or are struggling or are lost or have tried it all and still feel mad or empty or like justice was never sought - seek jesus. just pray to the One True God and ask Him to lift you up and remove you from the burden that's been holding you down. and wait. it's a beautiful thing, beloved. just wait and see. it's not my promise that i promise you, but God's. he promises that when you come to him, that he will meet you exactly where you are - and you'll have a reunion with your Creator like you never imagined. the pains of the world will still exist, but the Hope of Glory will be more powerful and redemptive than any justice you'd ever sought after.
and when my little girl is walking into school for the first time, or shopping for groceries for the first time, or paying her own bills for the first time, or picking out music to listen to - in all of her choices, i pray that she has Jesus so engrained in her soul that the idea of doing anything less than what He has willed for her life is not an option. and i pray that Todd and I are living our lives and parenting our baby so that when she moves on without us, it's Jesus she needs more than us - that she wants more than us. I pray that He is her all in all. I pray that right now, in these days when i'm at home with this precious chunky thighed babe, that she's soaking it all in and that somehow my love pouring out to her is making a dent. i pray and claim that i'm making a dent into this fallen world so that one more little girl will grow up to be a woman whose heart is WILD for her Jesus!
as moms, as parents, our every step is watched. we may not be the ones who sparked the tongue to start moving and making words at 7 months, but once that little brain starts engaging, it IS us who gets to help form the hearts of the ones we're sending out to be lights to the world.
what a gift.
Happy Day 13mo from ashley dengler on Vimeo.
poopy = poopy
waden = water
mo mo peez = more please
mommy choos = mommy's shoes
awwwwe = awe
pa pa baybe = pat the baby
nigh nigh baybe = night night baby
baybe eat doggy eat = apparently the baby and dog are hungry
muk = milk
wow = wow!
ki cat = kitty cat
up ki cat = get up kitty cat!
geeee = jesus
book = book
ree book = read book
the list of words our sweet short little girl is saying is remarkable. at 14 months, she's putting two and three words together. i'd like to say that we have something to do with it. maybe because she doesn't watch tv (alright, every no and then she sees the tv come on, but it's a rare thing). maybe because we sing songs all day and listen to the radio. maybe because she gets full attention and one-on-one time that she wouldn't otherwise. or maybe, maybe it's just her. maybe she was created to just be this little girl who would start saying mama and bye bye at 7 months and wouldn't stop talking from that point forward. maybe she was just meant to be an early bloomer and we have absolutely nothing to do with those areas of development. and that's completely ok with me if we have nothing to do with it.
but to take my hands off and start parenting different would be to deny the given responsibility i've been gifted with. to say that a parent has nothing to do with the outcome of their children, is just plain silly. we have so much impact on the hearts of our babies. they soak it all in. i was in the car a few weeks ago and pushed play on a song that goes like this "oh happy day! happy day! he washed my sins away!" and from the backseat i hear, "HAP-EEE HAP-EEE!" and i just smiled and laughed and praised God! it may not be ME that she's learning from, she's learning from everything around me - from my choices.
we choose carefully the music that we listen to around loralai - or that we listen to for ourselves. it's important. and now when i push play on that same song, before the words begin, she recognizes the beat of the song and says "HAP-EEE!" her ears recognize.
her heart recognize. she runs to todd and i and nearly falls into us for a hug. she just trusts that we'll catch her. she trusts us. she depends on us. and while she doesn't know it, she's depending on us to show her glimpses of Jesus. it will be through us that she'll get her first understanding of the love of Christ - of God's creation - the understanding that He is to be trusted above and beyond us. that when we walk out the door, it's more important to want Jesus to walk back in than to want mom and dad to walk back in. Jesus should be our all-in-all.
what would we do in triumph or tragedy without him? where do you turn? where do you seek for comfort? you either seek justice, justification, or you push out the world to ignore the hurt - or, you seek Jesus. and if you haven't, and if you have hurt or loss or are sick or are struggling or are lost or have tried it all and still feel mad or empty or like justice was never sought - seek jesus. just pray to the One True God and ask Him to lift you up and remove you from the burden that's been holding you down. and wait. it's a beautiful thing, beloved. just wait and see. it's not my promise that i promise you, but God's. he promises that when you come to him, that he will meet you exactly where you are - and you'll have a reunion with your Creator like you never imagined. the pains of the world will still exist, but the Hope of Glory will be more powerful and redemptive than any justice you'd ever sought after.
and when my little girl is walking into school for the first time, or shopping for groceries for the first time, or paying her own bills for the first time, or picking out music to listen to - in all of her choices, i pray that she has Jesus so engrained in her soul that the idea of doing anything less than what He has willed for her life is not an option. and i pray that Todd and I are living our lives and parenting our baby so that when she moves on without us, it's Jesus she needs more than us - that she wants more than us. I pray that He is her all in all. I pray that right now, in these days when i'm at home with this precious chunky thighed babe, that she's soaking it all in and that somehow my love pouring out to her is making a dent. i pray and claim that i'm making a dent into this fallen world so that one more little girl will grow up to be a woman whose heart is WILD for her Jesus!
as moms, as parents, our every step is watched. we may not be the ones who sparked the tongue to start moving and making words at 7 months, but once that little brain starts engaging, it IS us who gets to help form the hearts of the ones we're sending out to be lights to the world.
what a gift.
Happy Day 13mo from ashley dengler on Vimeo.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
a little pink.
i want to write something profound about how spring makes me feel. but i'm pretty well at a loss for words right now. i know. imagine that. but i love spring. and i love our yard in spring because it fills itself full of bright, light and dark pink azalea blooms. i really feel like it's a little slice of heaven when we're outside. spring just does something to the world. it breathes new life. and everyone loves it. even the smallest of us. even the ones who are just learning to say flower - and decide that seeing flowers in your hair is more beautiful than seeing flowers on the actual flowering plant. and the more the little one says "mo mo mo", the more flowers you decide to put in your hair. because after all, it's your greatest desire to help this little one experience the most beautiful life, filled with new experiences and the ability to soak in all of the goodness of this glorious creation. and then imagine, there's The Creator who delights in the same thing, only more graciously given and sweetly spoken and beautifully painted than any gift we could imagine giving to our own babies. He gives freely to all. all for us to feel and know Love. beautiful. welcome spring.
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